Sometimes It Is Okay To Quit
"Don't give up."
"Just make sure you finish."
"Don't stop until you are done."
"Don't ever give up."
At first glance, these statements are all very true. They all make sense and are important life lessons. In life we should always give our all. We should not go into something with the intention of giving up or halfway completing a task. Kids are notorious for wanting to quit things. They realize doing something they thought would be fun, maybe isn't as fun as they once thought, so they want to quit. They realize their friends are not involved, so they want to quit. As parents it is our job to instill the idea into our children the importance of sticking with something.
But I have to wonder if there are times that it is okay to quit. Are there times that it is okay to say "Nope, I'm done"? Are there times that it is okay to say "I quit!"
As a mother, I have used the "Don't give up" phrases many times. (I want to be clear that I always ask my children's permission before writing about them.) And my kids have always stuck with and completed whatever it is they started. Over the summer when Gabby and Kota wanted to do swim team, I was nervous, but they were excited. Sure, let's do it. And then they had their first swim meet. Gabby got out of the pool after her first race and she was in tears. She was embarrassed and thought she would be disqualified, but she did not give up. She did not quit. Kota started with a 25m swim and took over 2 minutes. But he stuck with it and cut his time tremendously over the season. And I am sure that several times throughout the swim season I used the words "Don't give up".
I have always believed that there is really never a time to quit. Until now. This year Emma has signed up for track. I'm not going to lie, I have questioned the decision since the moment she told me. We have an "honesty is the best policy" rule in our house and we communicate more openly than many families I know. When she told me that she was joining track, we had a conversation. I explained that I will always support her. I will be at as many track meets as I can be. I also explained that I was proud of her for trying something new.
Then I explained that she is not a runner. I explained that much like with Gabby and Kota and swim team, she would be competing with herself and not really competing with everyone else, because she is not a runner. She told me she understood that, but she really wanted to throw. I'm not going to lie, I had flashbacks to track and field days at school and how her throwing went. But, I told her that no matter what she ended up doing, we just wanted her to try her best and work to get a little better every single day.
Every day in practice she practiced a relay. A really short relay which would require sprinting. And I am not going to lie, my little momma heart was worried. All of the what if's came flooding into my mind. "What if she falls?" "What if she drops the baton?" "What if her teammates on the relay get upset with her?" Still, the night before the first track meet I told her to just do her best and that I would be there cheering her on the whole way. She was nervous so I did not let my nerves for her show.
Then the text came "Mom, I'm not doing the relay I practiced." I gave a huge sigh of relief and asked her what she would be doing instead. "The long jump and the 1600 meter run." In true Pastoral fashion I responded with "how are you feeling about that?" Nervous does not begin to describe how she felt about it. She had never practiced a long jump before. It has been a long time since she has ran a mile. She was panicking. I responded with "You will do fine. And I will be there to cheer you on. I love you. Don't stress. One foot in front of the other." That conversation ended with her saying "I will run the mile the best I can."
So how did it go? Not great. None of her jumps counted. Not a single one. Did she try? Yes. Did she give it her best effort? Yes.
As for the mile...well, it wasn't pretty. 4 times around a track is a mile. She paced herself from the start, which meant everyone was very quickly pretty far in front of her. She was lapped, maybe even twice. On lap 2 I noticed she was crying. About halfway through lap 3 it was more like sobbing. My heart was breaking. What was the point. Everyone had finished. So as she ran past me, still keeping the same pace mind you, I told her it was okay to quit. I told her to stop.
And she finished lap 3 and quit. And I have never been more proud of her. Jerry and I are not the kind of parents that tell our children they can be anything. Because, it's not true. Emma could train, she could practice running that mile every single day, she will never be a world class runner, and likely not even close to the front of the pack. Gabby and Kota could be in the pool every single day working on strokes and breathing techniques and will likely not win any of their races. But guess what, we are okay with that, because they have each given their best. And yes, Emma gave her best in that mile. She put herself out there and did something she was not mentally or physically prepared to do.
After the race was complete another mother told Emma she was so proud of her for finishing. Emma said "I didn't finish. I quit." The other parent asked me why she quit. She quit because I told her she could. And I do not feel bad about that at all. Running is not her strong suit. She has since gotten to try throwing and I do believe is enjoying track much more.
Maybe you have heard "A winner never quits, a quitter never wins" and maybe there is some truth to that. Or maybe sometimes it is okay to quit. Maybe sometimes it is okay to say "I gave my all but this is not for me." Maybe, just maybe, there are times when it is okay to say "I may not have finished, but I learned from this, so I am still a winner."
Really, isn't this the way things are in life as well? Sometimes we need to dig deep and keep going, and sometimes we need to quit. Sometimes it is important to quit certain things in life. If your job is draining you of life and you dread going every single day, it is okay to find something new and quit. If a friendship is becoming toxic and you no longer see a benefit, it may be time to quit it. If you have family members that are harmful to you in any way, quit them. There is nothing that says that you have to keep going in any of these situations. Quitting does not make you a failure. Sometimes quitting is okay and sometimes quitting is necessary.
Maybe instead of "Winners never quit, quitters never win" we should be teaching society "Sometimes quitting is winning."
"Just make sure you finish."
"Don't stop until you are done."
"Don't ever give up."
At first glance, these statements are all very true. They all make sense and are important life lessons. In life we should always give our all. We should not go into something with the intention of giving up or halfway completing a task. Kids are notorious for wanting to quit things. They realize doing something they thought would be fun, maybe isn't as fun as they once thought, so they want to quit. They realize their friends are not involved, so they want to quit. As parents it is our job to instill the idea into our children the importance of sticking with something.
But I have to wonder if there are times that it is okay to quit. Are there times that it is okay to say "Nope, I'm done"? Are there times that it is okay to say "I quit!"
As a mother, I have used the "Don't give up" phrases many times. (I want to be clear that I always ask my children's permission before writing about them.) And my kids have always stuck with and completed whatever it is they started. Over the summer when Gabby and Kota wanted to do swim team, I was nervous, but they were excited. Sure, let's do it. And then they had their first swim meet. Gabby got out of the pool after her first race and she was in tears. She was embarrassed and thought she would be disqualified, but she did not give up. She did not quit. Kota started with a 25m swim and took over 2 minutes. But he stuck with it and cut his time tremendously over the season. And I am sure that several times throughout the swim season I used the words "Don't give up".
I have always believed that there is really never a time to quit. Until now. This year Emma has signed up for track. I'm not going to lie, I have questioned the decision since the moment she told me. We have an "honesty is the best policy" rule in our house and we communicate more openly than many families I know. When she told me that she was joining track, we had a conversation. I explained that I will always support her. I will be at as many track meets as I can be. I also explained that I was proud of her for trying something new.
Then I explained that she is not a runner. I explained that much like with Gabby and Kota and swim team, she would be competing with herself and not really competing with everyone else, because she is not a runner. She told me she understood that, but she really wanted to throw. I'm not going to lie, I had flashbacks to track and field days at school and how her throwing went. But, I told her that no matter what she ended up doing, we just wanted her to try her best and work to get a little better every single day.
Every day in practice she practiced a relay. A really short relay which would require sprinting. And I am not going to lie, my little momma heart was worried. All of the what if's came flooding into my mind. "What if she falls?" "What if she drops the baton?" "What if her teammates on the relay get upset with her?" Still, the night before the first track meet I told her to just do her best and that I would be there cheering her on the whole way. She was nervous so I did not let my nerves for her show.
Then the text came "Mom, I'm not doing the relay I practiced." I gave a huge sigh of relief and asked her what she would be doing instead. "The long jump and the 1600 meter run." In true Pastoral fashion I responded with "how are you feeling about that?" Nervous does not begin to describe how she felt about it. She had never practiced a long jump before. It has been a long time since she has ran a mile. She was panicking. I responded with "You will do fine. And I will be there to cheer you on. I love you. Don't stress. One foot in front of the other." That conversation ended with her saying "I will run the mile the best I can."
So how did it go? Not great. None of her jumps counted. Not a single one. Did she try? Yes. Did she give it her best effort? Yes.
As for the mile...well, it wasn't pretty. 4 times around a track is a mile. She paced herself from the start, which meant everyone was very quickly pretty far in front of her. She was lapped, maybe even twice. On lap 2 I noticed she was crying. About halfway through lap 3 it was more like sobbing. My heart was breaking. What was the point. Everyone had finished. So as she ran past me, still keeping the same pace mind you, I told her it was okay to quit. I told her to stop.
And she finished lap 3 and quit. And I have never been more proud of her. Jerry and I are not the kind of parents that tell our children they can be anything. Because, it's not true. Emma could train, she could practice running that mile every single day, she will never be a world class runner, and likely not even close to the front of the pack. Gabby and Kota could be in the pool every single day working on strokes and breathing techniques and will likely not win any of their races. But guess what, we are okay with that, because they have each given their best. And yes, Emma gave her best in that mile. She put herself out there and did something she was not mentally or physically prepared to do.
After the race was complete another mother told Emma she was so proud of her for finishing. Emma said "I didn't finish. I quit." The other parent asked me why she quit. She quit because I told her she could. And I do not feel bad about that at all. Running is not her strong suit. She has since gotten to try throwing and I do believe is enjoying track much more.
Maybe you have heard "A winner never quits, a quitter never wins" and maybe there is some truth to that. Or maybe sometimes it is okay to quit. Maybe sometimes it is okay to say "I gave my all but this is not for me." Maybe, just maybe, there are times when it is okay to say "I may not have finished, but I learned from this, so I am still a winner."
Really, isn't this the way things are in life as well? Sometimes we need to dig deep and keep going, and sometimes we need to quit. Sometimes it is important to quit certain things in life. If your job is draining you of life and you dread going every single day, it is okay to find something new and quit. If a friendship is becoming toxic and you no longer see a benefit, it may be time to quit it. If you have family members that are harmful to you in any way, quit them. There is nothing that says that you have to keep going in any of these situations. Quitting does not make you a failure. Sometimes quitting is okay and sometimes quitting is necessary.
Maybe instead of "Winners never quit, quitters never win" we should be teaching society "Sometimes quitting is winning."
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