Pastor Mom

Time. I remember when Emma was very little I was sharing with a lady at church all of my frustrations. And there were a lot. She was a colicky baby. Every. Single. Night. From the hours of 11:00pm to 4:00am she would scream. No matter what I did, she creamed. Change a diaper...still screaming. Bottle...screaming. Walk...screaming. Car ride...screaming. Swaddle, sway, shushing...you got it, she was still screaming. I think those 10 months were one of the darkest parts of my life. I’ve only shared this with a very few people, but one night I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was scared for me. I was scared for Emma. Jerry worked night shift. So I was literally alone with this screaming child. I called my mother on this particular night and told her I was afraid I was going to do something stupid. She encouraged me to get in the car and come to her and she would help. It was 2:00am. I showed up and she took Emma and allowed me to sleep. But man those months were rough. So I am sharing thes...

I still remember where I was when I sent Jerry the first text message about hosting a foreign exchange student.  Siting in Zoup! enjoying a delicious bowl of lobster bisque.  A friend posted something on Facebook looking for a home for a student.  This was around the end of November (great soup weather). I immediately thought of another friend that I knew had hosted a student before.  So I reached out to him and asked if he would be interested and if so, I would happily make the connection.  Sadly, he was unable.  But, then I jokingly sent a screenshot to Jerry and said something along the lines of "Hey, maybe this is a good step towards that foster care thing we have wanted to do."  How did I think he would respond?  I'm not entirely sure.  I don't think I expected much.  His response, "That sounds awesome.  Contact her and see what it is all about." Uhm, ok, sure.  So In the middle of Zoup! I give the local coordinator (w...

In many ways, for a lot of years, Emma has come across as a teenager. She looks older than she is and in many ways she also acts older than she is. Well, now she is officially a teenager. 13! I can ask and wonder where time went, but that’s not the point of this post. There are many many mothers than have gone before me into the life of having a teenager. And many of them have shared with me the woes that come with the age. I didn’t believe them. Not Emma. She wasn’t going to get testy or angsty. She wasn’t going to be disrespectful. Not Emma. Let me just state that I know this is absurd. Because why would I assume that my child would not have all the normal emotions and feelings of every other child? Let me just tell you about her birthday. She woke up and immediately asked when she would get her presents. No big deal. That’s what makes birthdays fun. However, for the first time ever, we decided to give a gift card. A gift card to Amazon. And not a tiny one. Honestly, I was exci...

Today is the day. A birthday. Not a special birthday. Not 35 and not 40. Not monumental. Just 37. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m not feeling it. I’m in a funk. I’ve had a lot going on so maybe I am ready for a routine again. Who knows what the cause of my funk is, but it’s not my cup of tea. I’ve had a lot of medical issues in the last few months and that isn’t helping. I have learned I don’t handle stress well and as a result of stress and ibuprofen for my knee have been dealing with numerous ulcers. No fun. As I start another year around the sun, I can’t help but think about what I am going to do with the next 365 days that I pray God gives me. So I’m going to write my thoughts here to hold myself accountable. 1. Find joy in each and every day. Even the really busy, crazy ones. 2. Commit to not taking my stress out on the ones I love the most. 3. Work to find stress relievers. Practice better self-care. 4. Spend more time in conversation with friends. 5. Spend mo...

"Don't give up." "Just make sure you finish." "Don't stop until you are done." "Don't ever give up." At first glance, these statements are all very true.  They all make sense and are important life lessons.  In life we should always give our all.  We should not go into something with the intention of giving up or halfway completing a task.  Kids are notorious for wanting to quit things.  They realize doing something they thought would be fun, maybe isn't as fun as they once thought, so they want to quit.  They realize their friends are not involved, so they want to quit.  As parents it is our job to instill the idea into our children the importance of sticking with something.  But I have to wonder if there are times that it is okay to quit.  Are there times that it is okay to say "Nope, I'm done"?  Are there times that it is okay to say "I quit!" As a mother, I have used the "Don't give...

A few days ago I was watching something on the Hallmark channel and a commercial came on that really made me think.  The commercial was for the website  Because of You . This is what the first few lines on their website state " Everything you say and do has an impact on those around you. Because of you, people can feel empowered and loved, but also insecure and hurt. Even the smallest words and actions, whether online or in person, can have a big effect. Before you say or do something, think about how you might make others feel." As I was watching this commercial there were people sharing stories that were both positive and negative.  But it got me thinking of all of the people that have had an impact on my life.  There are so many.  Too many to list.  But there are also some that really stand out as making me who I am today.  For good or bad.  Ever since I saw this commercial I have been thinking about all of these people.  Many of whic...

Some of you reading this may know me personally and some of you may not.  For those that know me, you most likely know that one of the things I have struggled with the most in my life is my weight.  I remember getting a physical in 8th grade because I wanted to try out for the volleyball team and being told that I weighed 270lbs.  I am only 5 foot 1 so this was not a good weight for a 15 year old. And I am pretty sure that is when my desire to be thin started.  I dieted.  I binged.  Yes, I purged.  It was awful.  I was willing to do anything to fit in.  To look normal.  But it came with a cost.  I messed my body up so bad.  That entire time in my life was awful. Then I found the love of my life, got married, and had babies.  The highest weight that I have ever seen on the scale is 310.  I seemed to be okay with it though.  I was healthy other than being obese.  Then my mother died.  And she died fro...

I wish that everyone was as lucky as I am.  Why am I so lucky?  For a lot of reasons.  But, one of them is that I have the best Best Friend ever.  Chrissie and I have been friends since we were old enough to walk across the street (literally).  We grew up together.  We know so much about each other.  We are very different.  She is tall and I am not.  She is a nurse and I can not deal with blood or bodily functions.  But even with those differences, through the years we have remained friends. Now our friendship has not always been perfect.  I remember the time I spit on her (I have no idea why) and she did not talk to me for like a week.  There have been times that we have both been jealous of other friendships.  But we have experienced some amazing things together as well.  I had the privilege of dedicating her twins in Church.  I had the privilege of officiating her wedding to Dustin (who is also amazing)....

I feel like Jerry and I are pretty lucky that we have not had many clothing dilemmas.  We rarely have to give any kind of advice as the kids are getting dressed or picking out clothes to purchase.  The kids just naturally want to cover everything up when they leave the house, I guess.  Though tonight going to dance might have been the first time Gabby has put on pants since Sunday.  Hey, it is what it is. This year Emma is in Junior High.  And it is every bit as awful as I remember junior high being when I was in junior high.  Maybe boys experience this too, but I know for a fact that girls do.  People you thought you were friends with call you fat at the lunch table and then the next day want to be friends again.  Best friends find other friends they want to be "best" friends with.  It is awkward for everyone.  Bodies are changing.  Everyone is figuring out who they are and who they want to be, and yes sometimes that changes freq...

I have a lot of titles.  Sister, daughter, friend, Aunt, Cousin, Wife, Mom, Pastor, etc.  Each of these titles play an important role in my life.  I live my life a certain way, because I am a daughter.  I respond to certain things in life differently as a wife than I would if I was not married.  Titles and the roles associated with them are important. And mostly any of us can have many titles or roles and they may never conflict or collide.  But, sometimes that happens.  The two titles I have the collide the most are actually the title of my blog page.  Pastor and Mom.  Some days these things go together well.  Or one does not have much of an affect on the other.  Other days it seems like the two worlds collide in intense ways. Enter today.  Now let me be clear that I will never share names or personal information about church members, but I will at times share stories that I have been given permission to share with names r...

Snow!  There’s a certain amount of excitement that comes with snow.  It is fun  It is exciting.  We do not often get to play in the snow because of Gabby’s asthma, but there was no denying them today.  Due to our lack of spending much time in a beautiful winter wonderland, we do not own any sleds or other fun snow equipment.  So that left nothing to do, but make a snowman.  After taking 30 minutes to bundle up, out the door we went.  I had told them how deep it was.  Yet, Kota was very surprised when he couldn’t really stand up in it.   I always like to get one picture of them all standing together.  As you can see, this was not just a little snow.  There is 14 inches out there. And yes, it is a struggle to walk in.  We quickly got to work on the snowman.  It went much quicker than we expected, because this snow is awesome for packing.  I worked on the bottom, Emma did the middle, and Gabby did the top...

Mornings are rough.  They usually involve more yelling than I am proud of.  However, this is something that I have promised myself to work on in the New Year.  I am taking the whole "no matter what happens, it is only as bad as I make it" approach.  Positivity can make a difference in how you look at things, right? Well, this morning was not great.  I overslept.  Did not hear any of my three alarms.  Emma, my wonderful 12 year old, woke me up about 15 minutes later than I usually wake up.  I was immediately frantic.  Then there were so many clothing fiascos that the morning was just going downhill fast.  Kota (7) couldn't get his pants buttoned.  Gabby's (9) pants were also too small.  And for some strange reason, it was like they both forgot that yes, indeed, they do own more clothing than those pants that were too small. Then there was breakfast.  Oh Lord.  Jerry and I had a whole day where we meal prepped....